It really was a beautiful day. I had been in a bit of a funk (not too terrible) a few days before, but that's normal. Saturday I stayed in bed quite a bit, just sad.
Sunday had a beautiful blue sky dotted with clouds and a slight breeze. We had bought a helium tank that included ribbon and some extra balloons so that we didn't have to purchase any more. After church we went to McDonald's, in honor of Amanda, and shared some chicken McNuggets (her favorite). Afterward, we drove out to Lake Texoma.
When we got there, Tim and I tag-teamed, as usual. I was cutting the ribbons and holding the balloons together as he got them ready, blowing them up, tying them, and the ribbon. It was HOT, and I laughed that Amanda would be griping that it was too hot out. At first there didn't seem to be a breeze, but as we were getting closer to releasing, a gentle breeze began.
When they were all assembled, with the big owl in the center that said "Who Loves You Baby?" we sang happy birthday to her (recorded this), and released the balloons. It was pretty emotional but we did pretty well.
The funny part came when as the balloons were ascending, the owl balloon, which was tied by a toe, didn't ascend ahead of the others despite there being more helium in that one and being the biggest. Instead, it was at the bottom of the bunch, upside down, looking like it was being dragged by his toe. That made me laugh. Wasn't quite how it was supposed to work out, but that's ok. I'm sure if God gave Amanda a window, she would have laughed about it, too.
We watched until they were essentially out of sight and then left. I went back to the Wesley after dropping Tim off at church. I took a nap, but before I could, all of these memories of birthday parties for Amanda started flooding my mind. I remembered writing on her birthday cakes, decorating the trailer while she napped or was out playing so I could surprise her. Those memories were beautiful and yet also brought tears to my eyes. My sweet baby girl.
I was sort of on edge all day...little things were quick to get on my nerves. I knew it was because of the day. I still was able to do youth and Jody made her best effort to get me out of my funk.
We've started doing Couch 2 5k a week ago today. I've seen slight improvements but am not beating myself up about my slow progress, either. At least I'm moving and it's helping me to feel better that I'm doing something positive along with changing my eating habits to take care of me.
I finished editing my book on the 27th, appropriate that it's about grieving Amanda's loss and it's complete on her birthday. We'll see what happens with it. I sent it to the publisher/Aaron Bucy. It's in God's hands. I just want others to get something positive out of it, mostly hope.
My roller coaster experience of losing our 19-year-old daughter and walking through all that entails.
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