My roller coaster experience of losing our 19-year-old daughter and walking through all that entails.
Friday, February 14, 2014
The wait is over..
My head is spinning and I probably shouldn't even be writing yet. They called and said they were ruling Amanda's death accidental due to complications of heroin abuse and pneumonia. They said they found metabolites of heroin, codeine and morphine in her. We should be able to get her final death certificate around Tuesday from the funeral home. I emailed the detective. They, in my guess, will just close the book on it. I think unless the needles and syringes held anything damning, it would be too hard to prove anything. I don't know. I need to go digest this. I'm so sad and mad at Amanda for going over there. Then I feel guilty for being mad at her. I have all of these feelings and I don't know what to do with them.
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Everything, EVERYTHING, you are feeling is normal and to be expected. So, you allow yourself the feelings until YOU are ready to move on from them. And if you can't move on, then you accept them or turn them over to God. And anger is a normal and reasonable feeling. Be angry with her! She made a bad choice. We all do. Hers had unthinkable results but anger is OKAY! It does not diminish the love that you have for her. And she KNOWS that.
ReplyDeleteShelly, I hope you feel the hugs I send you. I want to just wrap my arms around you and let you know that it's okay. All of these feelings are okay. You'll work through them when you're ready. I love you, Kilroy!
Dear Shelly. I agree with Nancy. What you are going through is normal, and so unfair. I am praying for you. I relate to the anger you feel, I felt that for my brother and the horrifying choices he made. And how it affected us too. And the guilt and regret I felt! So many emotions! And when we feel that justice is not done, it compounds. Praying for you!
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