A few weeks back we took Lori, one of our group members to Orr, OK, so she could finally see her daughter's grave again. It had been several years. We took her to see several of her family members and her best friend as well as out to lunch, and, of course, to the cemetery. It was a great day for her and it was nice to be able to do that for her. We had been wanting to bless her in a certain way, but as we were with her and listening to her, a definite need was stated...not like blatantly, "hey we need this," but Tim and I both felt called to help meet that need, so at the end of the day, that's what we did. She was floored and so thankful. It blessed us just to see her appreciation and knowing we did what God would have wanted us to do.
I started thinking recently about how I have too much time on my hands to think and get sad about Amanda not being here anymore, about things I can't change at all or, for some, just not yet. I have also missed doing transcription. I just randomly emailed my old supervisor at Command Health to see if they had any part-time work available. She was so excited. One thing led to another and now I'm back working for them 20 hrs a week and for the Wesley 20. My office is at the Wesley, just in a different room now than before. As much as I missed doing it, I was absolutely terrified that with my brain being as it has been since Amanda died, I wasn't sure I would be able to cut it anymore. It's been like trying to see through the thickest fog. I literally was trembling my first day and anxious looking over the account specs, etc. I have been more than pleasantly surprised. Sure, I'm not as fast as I was, but I've been out of the game for 10 months, but I've been able to pick it back up with very little difficulty...so far. It's not like I need it for the money, so this will just go towards fun money, Christmas and going home to Carolina to see Michael and others.
I was looking at a picture of Amanda the other day that is on my desk. She was a sophomore or so and those big blue eyes were so sparkly and full of life. It just struck me as so sad that we only have those pictures, only the past with her to look back on, and will never have any new pictures of her any older than 19. I know we have our future with her...it just seems so far away in the here and now.
I miss you, baby girl. I'm trying to help others who, for whatever reason, wind up in their own boatful of grief. That's all we can do is try to comfort others as God has comforted us to try and make something beautiful out of something so wrong. I hope I make you proud. Save some hugs for Momma. I love you.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5New International Version (NIV)
Praise to the God of All Comfort
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.
Love you, Shelly!
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