Thanksgiving 2014

I was pretty ambivalent about even being present for Thanksgiving. I think part of me wanted to just stay in bed. But I had invited two of my aunts and an uncle over and while no one came, I still wanted to fix a nice meal for Tim and Dad. Tim helped me last night and today as my elbow is still hurt and it's really painful to do a lot.  Together we made for the first time ever the peanut butter balls that were Amanda's recipe that she had always asked us to make and never did. Today as We fixed food, I wore her blue Los Angeles t-shirt and her a pair of her funky knee high socks. We fixed spinach dip (for Michael and Amanda), a honey baked spiral sliced ham, Hawaiian rolls, vegetable salad, stuffing to which I added celery, red onion and cranberries, mashed potatoes and gravy, southern style green beans, deviled eggs, an apple pie, coffee cake and a dessert that I have no idea what it's called. It's supposed to be cherry pie filling on the bottom of a cake pan, then you pour a dry yellow cake mix over top and then slices of butter all over the top and bake, but Walmart was out of cherry so I did blueberry. It was good but not as good as the cherry.

Michael texted me a few times throughout the day. Linda sent me two pix of him zonked out on the couch. I was grateful that they invited him over. They all went to Rob and Christy's. Michael finally emailed me his RAOK which was really sweet and I added it to the blog.

Overall, it wasn't too terrible. I missed Amanda very much, but I also missed Michael very much, too. I missed our family...being a family of four. Having the opportunity to all be together under one roof...

On Tuesday Tim and I had the opportunity to go to New Life House where we are donating the money in memory of Amanda. It was bittersweet. I got to meet two of the girls/ladies who live there. I got to talk more to one and share our story some. I gave her a hug and even when I was ready to let go, she wasn't. I thanked her for being there, for her courage. I told her we just want to help in the hopes that even one family doesn't have to experience what we have and are. I set up a time on Dec. 11, to bring the donation check by, so it will be at 1 p.m.

Tomorrow Tim and I will go to storage and get our Christmas tree, ornaments, and decorations. I will try. I know I need to. Yes, it will be painful, but I can't hide from it to move forward, and I have to move forward. So even if I cry the whole time or have to do it in spurts, I will do it because Amanda loved Christmas, the lights and decorations and all of it. She loved when the tree was all decorated and we would turn out the lights in the living room and just have the tree lights on. Something very peaceful about that...and I need all of the peace I can get....all is calm. All is bright. Round yon virgin, mother and child.