In the Blink of an Eye...

Just a little frustrated today. I made the "mistake" of posting on FB about being frustrated that we don't have any answers about what happened to Amanda. I had started watching The First 48, wherein homicides are supposed to be solved in 48 hours or the chance substantially increases that they will go cold. I remarked that some families are blessed that they are able to find out what happened to their loved ones. I feel that the police have washed their hands of Amanda's case because she had used drugs. They, in my opinion, don't care to find Ryan and Erika. In my opinion, a whole hell of a lot more would have been done, no matter the circumstances of the child's death if it had been the child of one of their own. I feel no stone would have been unturned, and Ryan and Erika would have been found and brought back to be questioned. But, well, she was Amanda, NOT the child of a cop, and a drug user, so no loss. Chalk it up to another one off the street. Anyway, my frustration lies in the responses I get from both John and Linda. Linda insists that some stranger came up to Kelly AND Michael and said that we will never know what happened that night until we get to Heaven. For one, the guy came up to Kelly ONLY, according to Kelly, while she was up rubbing the borrowed urn as she thought Amanda was in there and she was talking to "her." According to Kelly, before, she said she hadn't seen the guy before or during the service and didn't see him again after he spoke to her. She had said at that time that the guy said she needed to have faith and believe. THAT'S IT. Nothing about never getting the answers blah blah blah. And John chimes in and talks about I couldn't do anything even if I did know what happened and that ticks me off, because depending on what the truth is, maybe, just maybe there could be some justice had. People telling me to let it go and I know they mean well, but honestly I want to tell everyone to put a sock in it. They may love me, but they have NO understanding of me or what I go through every single day. They don't know what it's like to lose a child. It IS different from any other loss. And to lose a child under suspicious circumstances and feel like no one is trying to find out what happened, and feel like the ones who were supposed to see that through, dropped the ball and don't care to pick it back up.  My frustration is NOT a crisis of faith. It is anguish, grief, pain, and yes, anger, but it's NOT about my faith in God. I KNOW I will know the whole truth in Heaven if that's what God wants me to know. I know he has been with me and will continue to do so. I know he's been comforting me and giving me strength and peace. So when they say these things about faith or letting go and letting God, I feel completely misunderstood, and it heightens my feelings of being alone and like fingers are being pointed at me like I'm grieving "wrong," and really it just pisses me off, because how dare they or anyone?

Anyway, that's my rant. Ann is back home. Oh. Yay. I don't even have it in me to go there today.