The investigation is done

The investigators are done with their investigation into Amanda's death. We had a meeting with them today, so I'm still digesting everything. They gave us a lot of information, both audibly and items to look over, and it's just so much to take in. I have yet to read the reports, etc.

Basically, it seems to boil down to this:  Amanda was a very conflicted young lady. On the one hand, she wanted to get herself together, go to school, get a job, and have a nice life. On the other hand, she couldn't seem to withstand the pull of the drugs and the people in that scene.  Long story short, the mixture of the heroin with her antidepressants was lethal.  While we may never know what transpired in the 20-30 minutes between someone seeing her alive the morning of the 11th and when 911 was called, we are "comfortable" with it having been her choice to use that morning, no matter who gave it to her, and that it was just too much for her system. We don't believe that she was murdered or that it was necessarily done maliciously. She just shouldn't have been there doing that, ever. And I think that's what hurts so deeply...we had just spent these amazing days with her where the walls were down and then she is pulled right back in, and she went even when I begged her to stay away. I feel like my heart shattered all over again this morning and I can't really tell you HOW I feel at the moment. Overall, I guess I'm sad above all else. No matter her issues, she was our baby girl and we loved her and would have done anything to help her. Why she went, I will never know, but I've never been addicted to anything, so I don't know that draw. I know she struggled with self-worth, and maybe when she was high, she didn't struggle with that, I just don't know.

I'll write more later. I just can't really function too well right now. My mind is clouded like right after she passed.