8 more days

8 days...Selfishly I hate it that you're not here with us anymore. I miss you so much and sometimes I am still mad at you...why did you go? Why didn't you listen? Why couldn't I love you enough for you to love yourself? I know you're free from all of the self-doubt, self-loathing you had. No more bipolar. No more feeling "less than." Only love. We just miss you so, so much. Sitting here with tears rolling down my cheeks just thinking about those last days we had together. Part of me thinks, if I hadn't scraped off the ice/snow from your car, then you wouldn't have been able to go, but then you wouldn't have been able to come to us like you did and spend all of those beautiful days with us. I cherish those days. You laying in my lap so I could run my fingers through your hair. Hearing your precious laughter. Snuggling. Holding hands. Singing. Fixing spinach dip together at your apartment. I wanted so, so many more of those times with you. But I also wouldn't want you back in this world that's so full of darkness and pain. This world that made you doubt yourself and your worth. I can never tell you enough how much I love you, Sugarbear. I see me holding you and dancing around the living room when you were little singing Lucky One, and that's how I felt, so lucky to be your momma. Your eyes and smile would light up a room, and that big laugh was just icing on the cake. I miss you my sweet. Love, Momma