I made it through Christmas...

I really didn't want Christmas to come. Not for anything to do with the meaning of it, but because I had no idea how I would handle it and that freaked me out. My anxiety level was very high.

We went home for Christmas. I felt bad leaving Dad, but Marian was coming the day before we left, so I knew he would have good company.  It had been 9 months since we'd seen Michael, and that was just too long for me, especially with how down he had recently been.  I was excited to see him, but still wary of how to deal with Christmas with Amanda not being there.

We got to spend a good bit of time with him. He was off for four of the days that we were there. Mostly when we hung out, it was at his place. Other times we took him out to eat, once with his roommate, John, as well.  

We did some Christmas shopping and saw some friends, ate a LOT, saw some people unexpectedly. Tim got me a new wedding band and I got him the new iPhone 6-Plus. It's like a suitcase compared to his old one LOL.  He finally made the leap to a smartphone in a big way! 

I did love going to Christmas Eve service at Covenant. How I have missed that church, those people, great messages, the movement of the spirit and passionate worshippers.  We also go to go to church our last night there, Saturday night, for that evening service. It was so nice to be welcomed by so many. Hugs from people we don't always get to see.

Christmas day Tim and I had to go to New Bern for the family thing. Mike went, too, but drove separately as he had to work the next day and didn't want to be out too late. I guess it wasn't too bad, but I did have my moments of tears.  I gave Linda, Kelly, and Christy their ornaments I'd had made for them, and then the day before I had gone on Collage.com and did a collage of pictures of Amanda for Linda, sent it to CVS and had them print it. We bought an 8x10 frame and I wrapped that and gave it to her, as well.  They all seemed to like their gifts, and Christy did hang her ornament on the tree.  Linda sent me a picture the next day and had hung hers from her rearview mirror in her car.  

I don't know...I guess I was mostly just trying NOT to feel or think. Part of me feels like I should have wallowed in bed crying all day, but it does truly help to know that Amanda got to have Christmas WITH JESUS!!!  I mean, how much more awesome could that be?  I miss her terribly, but she got to celebrate Jesus' birth WITH Jesus!  It was hard not to reminisce, and I did do that some...that's usually when the tears came. Hard not to think about Christmases past.  John had seen my tears but gave me space.  He did come up to me the next day at the Dirty Santa party at Rob and Christy's and ask me if I was doing better. He mentioned that he'd seen me crying. He's been great, he really has. Linda had given me a beautiful scarf with owls on it. I made sure to wear it to the party, along with the perfume they gave me (Cool Water).  She also had brought me a book she just finished reading, Unbroken, the story of Louis Zamperini, which is quite the page-turner!!  It's so, so good!

I hate leaving there. Not that I'm in a big hurry to get back near Tim's family, BUT I would do it to get to see Michael often.  Maybe God will bring us back there one day. Who knows. For now, this is where our mission field lies, and we will be obedient to God.