Counting the Days

I've been counting the days and reliving, but not just the bad, the good...The beautiful final days we had with Amanda. For instance, on the 8th (last year), we had had the sleepover with Amanda, had brought us Arby's to eat with her, watched movies at the Wesley and one at her apartment (Jingle All the Way), fixed spinach dip together to go with the chicken, coleslaw, and potato salad. So, as a way to commemorate that special memory, Tim went and bought Jingle All the Way, and we watched it with Dad last night. I didn't even cry. It was a good memory to have and a nice way to sort of memorialize that night with her.

Today would have been the night she went to Julia's house. Tim had wanted to spend the night at her apartment again, but she didn't let him know that she'd come home from Julia's with a headache, so he'd stayed at the Wesley by himself.  I had had a migraine and unfortunately had gone home.

Tomorrow would be the day we had gone to Ada together. Our last day together on the earth. We had such a good day and I miss those good days so, so much. I had such hopes for her, for us, for more days like this and more family times. The loss of her, the loss of those times makes me so sad.

Then the 11th....the day that my world as I knew it ceased to exist. The worst day of my life, the worst day of any parent's life. My baby died. To honor her life, we will be presenting a check for the donations to New Life House in her memory to help recovering addicts (so far $966). That will be at 1 p.m. Even thinking about the 11th makes my stomach start to hurt.

If I'm honest, those are not the only days I'm counting down. I'm quite excited to be going home to see Michael. We will be going on the 22nd and coming back here on the 28th. Not long enough for me, but it will have to do. I had a picture collage blanket made for him as he's been struggling with missing us and other things. Just wanted to give him something that would hopefully bring him some comfort. He loved it!  Yesterday we overnighted ($ouch$) some goodies I'd baked to him and John so he'd have some of the same treats he grew up getting at the holidays (fudge, snickerdoodles, peanut butter cookies, choc. chip cookies, mini muffins (banana nut, pumpkin, and zucchini).  He should be getting those shortly. Other than seeing our church family from there and of course spending as much quality time as possible with Mike, I don't care about seeing too many other people.

That's it, quick update.