Father's Day weekend

Father's Day weekend has been fun. I've been doing so much better with eating healthier. We went to Chili's yesterday, and if it weren't for those darn chips and salsa, I would have still done well...but I figured I had only had a weightloss shake for breakfast and Chili's was both lunch and supper (for me), so I didn't feel too terrible about the splurge.

The best thing about lunch, though, was that Tim and I talked, really talked, about how he is doing, his feelings, his fears, etc. I was sooo glad. He is always so busy trying to take care of me and make sure I'm okay, and I mean, he's a guy, he sort of stuffs his emotions. So it meant so much to me to have him open up (with probing questions).

I went and had my hair colored yesterday, too, and I love it. I was pretty nervous as I haven't been blonde in a lot of years. It looks great! Afterwards, we went to the Durant rodeo. I haven't been since I was a kid and Tim had never been to one. It was fun.

Today was Father's Day. Tim was already gone to church when I got up. We had bought Dad an iPad for today, so I went ahead and gave it to him. He had been watching Tim and I on ours and asking Tim questions, and Tim had been showing him stuff on it. He especially liked the idea of its portability in that he would be able to take it with him on his trip next month. I found him a Soduko game in the apps and downloaded that for him. He was up til midnight playing that and blackjack. He's never up that late. A bonus, to me, was that the LOUD TV was not on at all except for a few minutes of the last Spurs/Heat game and then they were back to playing games. My head appreciated the quiet. We were all going to Tokyo (steakhouse) in Durant, but when I checked their hours, they were closed on Sundays. Tim and I had been all set to dive into the filet mignon, too, so that was disappointing. I checked several other restaurants and ended up going to Sherman to Red Lobster. My body has been telling me loud and clear that it did NOT appreciate my not eating healthy there. Message received loud and clear! Back to being a good girl tomorrow!

I was pleased that Michael called Tim today. I'm beyond grateful for the dad Tim has been to our kids and how aware I am that it was a choice. Tim wasn't even out of college when we started dating, and I swear he fell in love with the kids before he did me. Amanda had him wrapped around her little finger from the get-go, and he and Mike were buddies, doing everything together. I used to joke that I had three kids. Tim loves them so much. With the childhood he had and the lack of a stable father around, I know it was all the more important to be for our kids what he didn't have. To know that he had his whole life in front of him, was only like 23, and he CHOSE to be Dad to Mike and Amanda. How could I not be grateful, admire, love, and respect him for that? I'm so thankful for the dad he has been, the role model he has been, and the time, love, and attention he has poured into our kids.

So all of that was good. Sometimes there are things, though, that even though I can be happy and excited for someone, and am such, it comes with the twist of a knife for the things we won't get to experience with Der. My school friend was sharing the wedding/reception photos of one of her daughters, and as much as I loved seeing them and all, it is another reminder of what we lost, a chance to see our baby girl get married and all of the craziness of the preparations. I had to close out the page I was on when I was looking at them as that knife just twisted a bit too far. I hate that feeling...happy for them, sad for us. I guess it's envy, and what an ugly emotion to have. It hit again in Target earlier walking by sweet baby clothes and accessories and the longing to one day have grand kids. I hope that happens...

Anyway...that is all. Thank you, God, for putting Tim and I together, to make our little threesome a foursome, and giving my children the daddy who was perfect for them. Amen.