Things I Miss

• My daughter.
• My family...being a family of four.
• Days that didn't include books on grief.
• Nights that I didn't cry myself to sleep, if I can sleep.
• Not wearing a mask.

Things I mourn:

• That you didn't know how precious you were.
• That I will never get to have an adult friendship with you.
• Life as I knew it.
• Me feeling whole.
• The missed opportunities when I thought we had "forever."
• Not having the opportunity to see you really in love.
• That you never got to experience life past your teens.
• Seeing other people's children reaching milestones, wishing it was you.
• That Daddy will never walk you down the aisle.
• That we will never get to hold your children.
• That you will never get to experience the honor of having children.
• Your presence. Even when I didn't know where you were, I had the expectation of seeing you soon. Now soon doesn't feel soon at all.
• Knowing one day I will have to go through your things and decide what to do with them. 
• The loss of innocence -- feeling like I could somewhat predict how life would play out. It wasn't like this.
• Knowing I've barely taken baby steps into my grief work and it terrifies me.
• Having the fear of others forgetting you.