Step by step

So....I did something today that may not have been wise, but it was important to me. I went and saw the place where Amanda died. I just wanted to see the last place she was. I guess I anticipated it being a total dump, prejudicely (if that's not a word, it is now) because of the people she was with and based on the majority of places in Durant. Detective Laxton said that if someone hadn't been living there then, he would have let me go in. There was nowhere to really park and just reflect, cry, and pray, so I just drove by twice. It actually looked like a place Tim and I would want to buy...outside at least. It all hit me again driving home afterward. That's where we would have had to go get her car. That's where CPR was performed on her. That's where Ryan tried to clean up the scene, worrying more about his own butt than my daughter. That's where her car was processed, and that's where my daughter's lifeless body was removed from the house to be taken to the hospital. I was forced to notice how close the neighbors were based on there not being really wide roads nor big front yards and wondered if anyone still lived there who gawked at all of the goings on. No, no one went with me. Tim is still at camp, and honestly he may be upset that I went without him. This was just a hurdle I felt I needed to face. I honestly don't know how I've managed to keep breathing all of these months. I know it's been God's strength and not mine...Six months seems an eternity and a flash concurrently. I don't know if I am ready yet to hear the 911 call, though that has been offered to me. Climbing one step at a time. I miss you my precious Amanda....everything about you. Every ornery, grouchy in the morning, texting me from the bathroom, ticklish, love to snuggle thing about you.

A life parable I've always loved about stepping up and out when faced with adversity:

“One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a Well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the donkey was old, and the Well, needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey did something amazing. He shook it off and took a step up.

As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.