Everywhere a memory

Tim and I went to Pizza Hut earlier on our lunch break and I kept seeing Amanda and I there just a few months ago, and she took a picture of me and posted it saying something about her pretty lunch date.

Earlier we heard from the detective. This boy, Cody, initially had come in with Ryan and Ericka to give their statements had originally said that he rode up on his bike and saw Amanda sitting in her car at 5 o'clock on the 10th, and it looked like she was shooting up. The detective talked to him again today:

 I actually interviewed Cody (Coon's boyfriend) this morning and just returned from taking him home. I told me the original story he told me was fabricated and Ryan had told him to tell me that story. He said he was intimidated by Ryan so he told me that story to make Ryan happy. He told me that Ryan told him he had given Amanda two "bumps" of heroin that night and that he had deleted all the messages between them in both phones so the cops would not see them talking about drugs. He told Cody the cops are trying to make it look like him and Amanda had an altercation and trying to charge him with some bogus stuff. He also told me he knows Amanda has given Ryan several rides to Dallas to get heroin. The interview went well and I gained a lot of information that further strengthens what you have told me about the drug activity going on. I didn't get anything from him that gives me a home run but I think some of his information will be useful and help by adding to what we already have.

We were relieved to hear he recanted and why, but we need more. The detective later asked us if we could go by the hospital to get her medical records, which we did, but we can't get those without her death certificate. We called the funeral home, and the soonest they can get a death certificate, even if it says the cause of death is pending, will be Friday. The detective CAN get them, but will need a warrant. I told the detective which ever way is fastest is fine.

Tim went by the "Tag Office" (the Okie version of a DMV) to see about getting Amanda's car switched over to our name, and again, we can't do anything without the death certificate.

I know these are necessary things to do, but all are such painful reminders that she is gone.  Tim shared with me a photo he found on his iPad yesterday that had him come undone. He had told me about it last evening that it looks like she is looking right at you. I miss that face. Those eyes. That smile. I wouldn't even care if she cussed me out. Again and again we just ask why...why did she go over there? Why, after we had poured our hearts out to her and poured our love into her, did she not just listen to our hearts when we asked her not to go, to stay away from those people. And I still despise the fact that I brought her here. I feel like I, myself, killed my baby by bringing her here. And I know that's not the truth, but it's hard to tell an aching heart that wants nothing more than to hold her child and see her sweet face. I want to leave this place, this place that represents death to me, but I know we still have work to do, God hasn't called us away yet. One foot in front of the other is for God alone as I certainly don't want to. His strength, not mine. I love you, Lord, and I wish you'd hurry to come back so I can be reunited with my baby again.