Having a down day

I woke up kinda sad today. I dreamed about Amanda last night. She was about 4 in my dream with that pretty blonde hair, straight on the outside layer and wavy underneath. I was trying to work with her on her letters and sounds, short "e" specifically, and was trying to get her to tell me a word with that sound. I gave her examples of bed, Ted, led, fed, said, and then I pointed to my hair and said, "What's that?" She said, "hair??" I said does hair have the "e" sound? No....then what is this, the whole thing? She said, "Oh, head!" Yes, now can you give me another one? "No, you said them all."  She just wanted to play Barbies and dress-up. I felt so peaceful and content being with her and didn't want to wake up to the reality that she's gone.

The vital records office called today. Apparently they are just now getting around to doing the death certificate that we need that says, "Pending" on it so it won't be ready tomorrow but likely Monday. We were supposed to pick it up tomorrow and take it to the hospital to get her records to take to the detective. Another delay.

My undoing, though, today was hearing on a commercial the song, "You Are So Beautiful."  I used to sing that to her sometimes and I sang it to her on the 11th and 12th before they disconnected her machines.  I miss her so much it's unbearable.