Overwhelmed :(

I'm just overwhelmed. I need some peace. I need to have quiet when I need quiet. I miss my girl and I need to be able to work through that at my pace in my way.

Living at Dad's is...anything but peaceful. I love my dad. They bicker so stinking much!!!  And then, mom is mostly deaf and dad is partly deaf so all conversation is louder than it could be and having a peaceful evening is just a fantasy. He is impatient with her. She is stubborn and the dementia makes things challenging on top of her Parkinson's. She doesn't remember diddly and he gets tired of repeating things. My nerves are shot. I want our own space. We are relegated to a 10 x 10 space that is "ours," but we hear the TV blasting through the walls and, when she is talking in her sleep or whatever, we hear it. The cats are in the room with us, and that isn't enough room for them, either. So all night we either hear Mom talking, the cats fighting, or one of them using the litter box. I just miss having our down time on a couch, watching what we want to watch, or coming and going as we feel like without having to worry about being home. I know this comes with the territory of being here to take care of my folks. I just wish we had our own retreat; at this point, I wouldn't care if it was a mobile home, a travel trailer, a CARDBOARD BOX, a storage shed, or one of those "tiny houses" I've seen on TV. I know I'm whining. I'm inundated with noise all the time, real or in my head. I go to work and there is stress there and I come home and dread walking in the door. I feel stuck. I want to be here to help my dad, I do, I just wish Tim and I had our own place to retreat to at night and for the cats to have their own home without fear from another cat or worrying about the dumb dog.  Anywho, I'm done whining for now. 

We went today to help a family whose trailer had caught on fire and they lost most everything. Their kids wanted them to live in this dumpy, piece of crap trailer that was behind the burned one. The property looks like an episode of hoarders. The trailer had holes in the floor, rotting flooring, a sagging ceiling, wasp nests and a bird nest inside of the trailer, windows that didn't fit so there are gaps between the window and the wall. The place was a disaster and I just couldn't get over that THIS was where their kids wanted them to live??? And where were THEY in the clean-up process? Nowhere.  Makes you thankful for what you do have, and what you don't.