It's been a while...

I can't believe how long it's been since I posted...I just haven't felt up to it.  Tim and I had the best time at the cabin in Shawnee.  It was so special.  There were two owls in the decor...they had the cabin decorated for Christmas with a tree and everything.  It was absolutely perfect!  We saw the most stunning sunset as we were driving into the cabin the first night.  The cabin wasn't too "fru-fru," but it was cozy and just what we needed it to be.  We had brought the owl candle holder I'd painted as well as the owl salt/pepper shakers and set them up in front of the fireplace on one of the bar stools.  We went to dinner at a Japanese steakhouse, went to the zoo, went to dinner in OKC at KD's, watched movies and just quietly remembered our girl.  It was perfect...for being what we were there for.  We were just trying to celebrate life, her life and the life we still have to live but without her with us.  Of course there were times of tears.  We just miss her so very much.  It's so surreal to have to mark milestones because she's not here.  Grief has its own milestones...holidays without her, vacations without her, last time you saw her, birthdays, anniversary dates, etc. etc. She is frozen in time and it's so hard to try to imagine what she'd be like now...would she have continued down that path?  Would she have finally gotten help or embraced growing up and met the challenge?  We will never know.  All I do know is that she's in a far better place than she ever could have been here whether she lived or not.

Christmas was different.  I mean, we were here, so that was hard not being with Michael.  But in its own way, it was good to be here with Daddy for a change at Christmas.  We had made him a photo collage book of he and Ann's times/travels together.  We also bought him a turquoise/nickel bolo tie.  He loved both but cried, of course, over the book.  He'll be able to use that at her funeral, which was part of why we made the book.  I cooked a small Christmas meal but didn't overdo it.  I wore Amanda's knee-high socks that day to "have her with me."  Tim had gotten a bigger TV for us for Christmas for the living room as he was moving the other TV to the sunroom.  We also bought us an elliptical, which didn't get delivered for several weeks after.  I'd gotten him a soundbar for the TV in the living room.  He'd also gotten two picture frames that are made to look like window frames with four panes each and put pictures from our trip to the Shawnee cabin in them.  He also got me an owl necklace and another picture frame that said, "To have somewhere to go is Home.  To have someone to love is Family.  Both are a blessing."  Inside is a picture he took of us at the cabin.  It all was so special and made me cry.

Michael is doing well.  He's started back for another semester in college.  He was reinstated with financial aid and that came through prior to his enrolling so all of his classes and books were covered.  Thank God!  We've made plans to go see him March 13-19.  I'm so excited to see him!!

One day maybe two weeks ago (?) Tim and I were coming home on Cox Lane and saw a big owl fly overhead and land in a tree up ahead on the left.  We stopped the car and just watched it watching us.  We just stared and watched it for a while.  I guess it got tired of our gawking and flew to the right to land in a tree by Martha Kay's.  We pulled up a little more and sat and watched it.  Finally, we just drove on home.  It was really cool to see and Tim cried a little....just missing our girl.

For Tim's 42nd birthday (Jan. 9), I'd bought tickets for us to go see the Oklahoma City Thunder.  The game wasn't until the 15th, against the Timberwolves.  Our seats were surprisingly pretty good.  Could've been a little lower, but really the view was great.  We stayed the night at the Crowne Plaza hotel and it was great to just get away.  We ate at Dave and Buster's prior to the game.  It was actually fairly disappointing (the food not the basketball game).  OKC won the game.  It was wonderful to get a full night's sleep without animals crawling all over us and clamoring for our attention!

This morning Tim sent me a picture of an owl he saw when he was driving down Banty Road.  This big beautiful barn owl just sitting on a fence post...you don't usually see them during the day but there it was!

 

Yesterday very early morning (3:11) we were awoke by the phone.  Aunt Sheila was calling and needed help.  Uncle Jack had fallen and she thought he had a stroke.  She hadn't called 911 yet, though, so I told her to hang up with me and call them and we'd be over.  Sure enough, he was in his back bedroom on the floor on his side.  The way the bedroom was set up, it was difficult to maneuver him.  He couldn't help any.  We had to sort of roll him over and try to get him sat up as best we could.  We tried to prop him against the bed until the EMTs arrived.  They finally got there and it was difficult for them to get him up and onto the gurney.  Then for some reason they had to meet Durant EMS and transfer him to another ambulance.  Aunt Sheila was with me and Tim followed.  Long story short, Durant hospital wasn't equipped to handle his neurologic needs and he was transferred to TMC in Denison.  He's had multiple CT scans, an MRI, speech pathology and physical therapy.  When we first got to him, he could barely speak..he tried, but it was difficult to understand him.  It had affected his whole left side.  He couldn't see out of his left eye.  He couldn't move his left arm or leg.  By the time he left the Durant hospital to be transferred, he could move his arm and leg but still could not grip with his left hand.  His speech is somewhat improved.  I'm sure with speech therapy and physical therapy we will see some improvements.  It breaks my heart.  Uncle Jack is the sweetest man and always a doer!!  He still kept his sense of humor, though, and said he was too young for a stroke!  He JUST retired Jan. 1!!  When I took Aunt Sheila to TMC as Jack was being transferred, I met Jodie (their daughter) and her husband Jeremy.  I haven't seen Jodie for years...probably since Grandpa's funeral.  Sheila had had me call Jodie to let her know when we were at the Durant hospital and when we were at TMC, she had me call Jack's son, Garth.  After I went in and saw Uncle Jack and visited with Sheila, Tim and I went ahead and went home since Jodie could take care of her mom.  I got everyone's phone numbers and gave them mine. They've been keeping me updated.  I'm going to go see him tomorrow after I get done serving lunch.  I will bring snacks for them if they would like some and hopefully give them a break so they can get outside of the hospital for some fresh air and maybe they can go back to Jodie's to get some real rest.  I just want to be available to them as much as possible without overstepping my bounds.

They got the results back from the MRI that was done this morning.  He actually had a large stroke in the right frontal brain and a smaller one in the back right brain.  The doctor was surprised he's doing as well as he is.  Physical therapy had him up taking a few steps today and his throat was scoped, dad said, and he's able to eat regular food now.  Initially he couldn't swallow water but could drink thicker liquids and very soft foods.  Praise God for progress!

That's about it and it's past my bedtime.