Tim had to go to Ada today for a pastor's thing so I got to sleep in. I did some chores and then went to Jack and Sheila's to pick up some things to take to Goodwill for them. I headed to Walmart after that and it was kinda nice just to wander the store, except for the reminders of Christmas everywhere. I found a really cute owl ornament that I considered buying but put it back. I'll probably go back and get it one day soon. I was musing about how many owl ornaments we needed and that one day, we'd probably have a whole Christmas tree with nothing but owl ornaments. I was looking, though, for a red bow and a red lightbulb to add to a little wooden deer that I found out in Dad's storage. I stained him a few weeks ago and thought he could be cute with some added bling. I found some cute rustic looking red bows (we'll use the rest for the tree) and some mini-light ornaments. Again, I will use the rest for the tree. I came home and superglued the bow and lightbulb and he's really cute. I'm going to fill the box part of him with the scented pinecones. He may be kinda hokey, but I liked him. He kinda reminded me of me, in need of some TLC but overall good bones.
The holidays are still hard. Not excruciating like they used to be, but they are definitely hard. There's the reminder of the empty chair, the wonder of what she'd be like, what she'd want for Christmas, and always, always missing her so very much.
We are facilitating GriefShare (almost done). Soon we'll be having the Surviving the Holidays class. It will be a good refresher for me. I've just been feeling the sadness more in the last few days. Tim got me out of the house yesterday and we went to paint at Pickles & Pottery in Sherman. It was very relaxing and much needed. Tim did a nativity scene with Mary, Joseph and Jesus and I did an angel holding a heart that I put Amanda's initials in. I'm always trying to find ways to incorporate her into our life now. It's not the same, but it makes me feel a tad better. I really, really miss her.
I am looking forward to going home. Mike is doing great in school and will graduate in the spring. We'll go home for that, too, of course. We'll be staying at a room we rented for a few days and then staying at Michael's the rest of the time. I'm really looking forward to seeing him again. It's been too long for this momma. Tim and I have often talked about when/if we get to move back. We're not really sure if we'll move back to the same area. Somewhere in the vicinity of Michael, but not necessarily Greenville or even Winterville. I just want to be able to see him frequently, be near to him where ever he is.
I am concerned about something, though. My dad told me the other day that when he had X-Rays done at the VA that they saw a spot on his liver. They're sending him back to Dr. Sturch (whom he sees Wednesday) to hopefully get a CT scan to figure out what it is. That fills me with trepidation. I'm praying it's nothing or at most fatty liver.
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